


by the poolside

by MintLemonade



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 2: Wayward Son, Drabble, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Making Up, Spoilers for Book 2: Wayward Son, are you kidding me rainbow rowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintLemonade/pseuds/MintLemonade
Summary: Simon Snow decides to break up with Baz, for their own good. Then, he decides that some things are worth fighting for.





	by the poolside

**Simon POV.**

I woke up having to pee, but now I just can’t sleep. I flex my wings, which Penny spelled invisible while half asleep. Everyone’s passed out. Stumbling towards the door in the dark, I kick off a shoe and stick it in the doorway on my way out.

The pool is closed, but I check both ways before flying over the gate. I take off the other shoe and put my feet in the deep end, lying down on the floor. It’s a cloudy night, but I can pick out a few stars and make a new constellation. It’s a bit of a stretch, but I can see a sword.

America is beautiful. It’s been busy, what with Renaissance vampires and Shepard tagging along, but whenever I look up at the sky, I suddenly stop spinning. It’s like remembering how to breathe. 

Maybe I can stay here. There’s nothing for me back home. Baz and Penny have lives—finishing school, getting careers, and the like. The only thing I left at home was the couch. But in America, they say anything is possible. Nobody will see me for what I was. I could visit a new city every day for the rest of my life and never meet the same person twice, probably. 

Closing my eyes, I suck in a huge breath and imagine living in California and working at Disneyland. Baz would hate it and complain about the constant sun. We’d go on big rides and eat ice cream and go to the beach every day._ But _ . . . I sit up. Baz has a life back home.

I could stay here, in America.

And yet.

  


**Baz POV.**

I wake up abruptly. Checking the clock, I groan aloud. 3 am. Bunce is passed out on the other bed, face down. Shepard is curled up in his sleeping bag on the floor, and Simon . . .

Simon isn’t here. The door is cracked open, and I accidentally kick the shoe on the way out. “Snow,” I call, wand at the ready. It’s obvious he left on his own, but I can’t imagine where or why. The motel is eerily quiet.

“Baz?” I round the corner and see him on the other side of a gate, where the pool is. There’s a blue light coming from the water that illuminates him, making his skin look pale. He’s shifting on both his feet, as if preparing for a fight. Did I miss something?

“Open the door,” I say. He lets me in and wanders back to the pool, retracing wet footsteps. I sit by him. “How long have you been out here?”

Simon ducks his head and shrugs. “Dunno. Maybe half an hour.” I go to tuck hair behind his ear on instinct, but he flinches away from me. I pull back, shocked. _ What was that? _ I stare into the water, listening to the chirp of crickets. Am I only allowed to touch him when he makes the first move now? Does he ever _ want _ to be touched anymore?

America’s only showing me the life I’ll never have and the Simon I’ve only dreamed of. Active, adrenaline junkie Simon who pushes his boyfriend against a car after slaying vampires in public. Now he acts like he’s afraid of me, and I’m beginning to fear that he is. “Do . . . ,” I start, but my voice comes out small. Weak. I clear my throat. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

**Simon POV.**

“Something to tell you?” I echo. Baz looks ethereal in this light. His black hair is ran with shocks of blue, and the shine in his eyes is striking. He has his arms wrapped around his waist, fingers twitching. I stare at his hands and wonder if he’d be angry if I tried to hold them. I’m trying to look for a way, _ any _ way to show him that I still care, but I can’t bring myself to move. Because _ he _ doesn’t care, right?

He’s one of them, too. The kind of person who dreams about the person I used to be, and everything I could do. I was powerful beyond measure, and there was a driving force in my life. Now, I feel like a broken compass, pointing everywhere but North.

I never want to let him go, if he’d let me. But as he grows, I’ll just drag him down. “Baz, when—when someone shows you who they are, you believe them.”

And then he just. Starts crying.

Baz is crying, and I don’t know what to do.

“What are you saying?” he demands, turning to face me. “Are you about to give me some kind of bloody_ speech _?”

“I, well, um,” I stammer. I scrub my eyes with the palms of my hands, frustrated. I can never talk properly when I get worked up. Baz sniffles, and I can almost feel my heart tear. “No! No, no.”

“Then what, Snow?!”

I start to speak, but stop. How long has he been holding this in? He’s crying because of me. All this time, I’ve been convincing myself that Baz doesn’t care anymore because he deserves better, but I never considered . . . what if he wants me to fight for it? For us? “Baz, when someone shows you who they are, you believe them. That’s a quote I, um, saw on TV. You’re totally inclined to believe what I’ve been showing you—that I’m a complete tosser. But that’s not totally true. All this time you’ve been—you’ve been trying, and I made up this bullshit story that it was because you were pitying me.”

Baz looks surprised. His brows have shot up, tears freely streaming down his grey skin. I reach out with a shaky hand and wipe a tear, and then grab his wrist. He doesn’t move to stop me, or say anything. So I continue. “And how could you not? I’ve been wallowing in this ugly pity party and making you watch. But I don’t want to do that anymore.”

I take his hand and use it to push a curl behind my ear. He used to love doing that. _ “Get a haircut, Snow,” _ he’d say while running a hand through my hair. _ “Or else I won’t be able to see you properly.” _And I never did, because I liked feeling his cold fingers on my face. What changed? 

We sit there, staring at each other. I drop Baz’s hand and clear my throat, clambering to my feet. That did it. Fear swells in my chest like a balloon. _ Run, _ a small voice in my head says. _ Run, before he can laugh at you and leave. _I have my hand on the doorknob before getting yanked back by the shirt.

**Baz POV.**

Simon Snow is still in love with me. And I’m about to let him walk away! Alistair Crowley. Seven snakes on a bike. I get up and grab him by the shirt, smacking myself in the face with his invisible wing.

So many things are running through my head. Me? Leaving Simon? That was never a possibility that crossed my mind, even when I hated him. (I’ve imagined killing him, but that always ending with me dying in a blaze of glory. We’d be buried across the world from each other.) There is no life without Simon. Not one that I’d want to live.

He turns around and faces me. Even in the dark I can see his flushed cheeks and wide, watery eyes. Freckles scatter his face like stars. (I’ve memorised almost every one.) “I’ve been pining after you for so long,” I say, “I deserve to let myself be happy.” Simon nods. “But so do you, Simon. You deserve happiness. You know that, right?”

His eyes won’t stop shifting; they scan every corner of my face. I force myself not to shy away. “I’m working it out,” he says softly. “Baz . . .” I nod, trying to be patient. I’ve been waiting for him to talk to me like this for months, so what’s a few minutes more? A hand cups the back of my neck. Simon pulls me down, gently, until my nose is buried into his shoulder. He wraps his arms around my waist and squeezes. I run my hands up his back and cling to his shirt.

This is lovely. I’m safe here, with my favorite person in the world, and he’s hugging me like I’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I love you,” we blurt at the same time. 

Simon barks a laugh, his chest shaking. My body sways as he swings side to side, almost like a dance. “I love you, I love you,” he repeats, each time louder than the last. We spin and stumble, wrapped up in each other's arms, around the pool. Simon almost slips and falls into the water, but instead I catch him. He looks up at me, surprised.

He’s glowing. And he’s all mine.

**Simon POV. **

I feel like I’m in a romcom right now. (Without the rain. Or heterosexuality.) Baz is dipping me over the pool, even with the weight of my wings. I feel his hands tremble under me and get a wicked idea, sucking in a giant breath. Heaving, I beat my wings and hoist him into my arms, taking off into the sky. “Snow—!” Baz yelps when I snake an arm under his legs.

Carrying him bridal style, I circle around the motel. Surely I can’t let Baz out-romance me. He’s frantically coating us with spells as I fly over the street. “Look,” I say. He risks a look down and laughs, hair whipping around him like a flag.

We land on the roof of a donut shop. The sun is peeking out from behind the buildings, turning the sky shades of blue and pink. I don’t know how to describe it exactly, but my heart feels like the sky right now. Endless. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I look at Baz and see him sitting with his head tipped back, a big smile on his face. “What’s got you so worked up?” I ask, jabbing him in the ribs. Baz squirms away, and then moves closer.

“You,” he says. “Always you.”

I wonder what time the donut shop opens. Or if Baz likes big rollercoasters (I won’t give up the Disneyland dream just yet). I don’t think about it for long, because I’m distracted by the way his hands feel in my hair, cold fingers grazing my skin. I could get used to this a hundred times over again. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i wrote this at 2 am so forgive any mistakes-- i'll probably correct them later. there's no specific spot in the story i think this would happen, rather i was just writing up all my feelings for Wayward Son in this fic. kudos and comments are appreciated <3
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr @mintdreamy


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